Elisha Simkovich
Author
Throughout his life, Elisha was obsessed with creating the perfect zombie story. A few years ago, his lifelong dream nearly came to fruition when he wrote the musical, I Love You, Dead, featuring that famous number, “Nothing Sweeter than the Kiss of Death.”
The musical delved into the life of a simple man with a simple love for a maiden of the undead; a zombie who seemed to be after his heart more than his brain. The zombie wanted nothing more than to be human once again, while the man knew he could only love her if she were to remain in her beautiful zombie form.
I Love You, Dead was a smashing hit within his close circle of friends, but when it came time to shine under the bright lights of Broadway, the musical failed to appeal to the general human public. Of course, this was mainly due to the bright lights which are known to make zombies irritable and hungry. When the zombie actors took to the stage for the first time, they were only able to last halfway through the first act before they ran into the audience in an attempt to appease their hunger. It was too late for those first patrons, but with future audiences now at risk, the producers had no choice but to shut down the production immediately. No living being ever saw I Love You, Dead all the way through. It has, however, received quite the cult following in certain undead communities.
At the time, Elisha was at an all-time low, and it seemed to him that things could not have gotten much worse, but to his absolute surprise… they did. You see, Elisha ran right into Passover, and it hurt! But instead of wallowing in his misery, Elisha was struck with the complete opposite emotion: Joy. For he remembered that the pain of Passover is to remind us of the Israelite’s suffering in Egypt. When Elisha compared his failed musical to the Israelite’s 400 years of slavery, he realized that his current state really wasn’t all that bad.
Since zombies were on his mind and not the other way around, Elisha also concluded that even 400 years of slavery was nothing compared to the suffering faced by the most tortured of beings: The Zombie Nation. At least the Jewish people have scriptures to capture their history and tell their story, but the zombies had nothing. There were no books filled with first-hand zombie stories, for the zombies do not posses the fine motor skills that come with appendages that don’t fall off when over-stressed with penmanship.
With a newfound resolve, that very night Elisha sat down with one of the most seasoned zombies of his time and wrote his story, word for word, from the days of zombie imprisonment to the mummies in Egypt all the way through to the zombie’s arrival in Zion. Fortunately, the zombie was able to hold his appetite until the book was finished. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the zombie, Elisha seemed to be rather seasoned as well, and the zombie was only able to hold his appetite up until the book was finished and not any longer. The zombie relished in Elisha’s flavor.
This book was Elisha’s final piece to the puzzle of life… which you can fully appreciate by giving to his Kickstarter!!!!! Cash money to publish his life’s work!!!! Thank you.
Avi Litwack
Illustrator
From a very young age, Avi knew that his visions were something more than what those silly doctors said. His gift had to be shared with the world. He began with finger painting. The elders that monitored him did not care for the deep reds he used or the bizarre playthings he fashioned from clay, but most concerning was his ability to create those grotesque projects with only the black crayons and white paper the doctors allowed in his room.
In school he attempted to turn meat into art. He titled this work mmmm Art. According to the scribbles on his cell walls, he was trying to capture the delicate balance of dead meat and undead thoughts. This new art form was met with ridicule and disgust. “The fools,” he was heard murmuring, “they know nothing of my visions!”
He said the writer, Elisha Simkovich, came to him in a dream. Avi, quite mad at this point, claimed that the haunting voice was infecting his visions. As Elisha’s visits dragged him further into the pits of insanity, dreams of red skies and oceans consumed his subconscious,
But to the members of the staff, there seemed to be a look of clarity on the illustrators face. “Maybe,” they thought, “Avi was finally entering into some form of lucidity.”
Not too long after the dreams began, Avi requested paper and crayons, and as he seemed to not be in any danger to himself or others, the doctors were pleased to provide a ream of paper and a couple of black crayons. But to their utmost disgust, when Avi presented his works later that week they once again saw works produced in deep red hues.
The staff then understood that the artist had in fact completely lost his mind. As they discussed furthering his care, a riot broke out and he was among the many lunatics who managed to escape the hospital that day.
For the weeks that followed, witnesses claimed to spot him in different areas across the country asking people to point him in the direction where Elisha last stood. When he finally reached his destination, he was relieved to find peace within himself and, in his first moment of clarity in many years, he also found what he had been seeking all this time: the ancient zombie of Elisha’s interviews. The ancient zombie of the Aaaahggadah! The zombie, rather famished at this point, quickly picked up the scent of Avi’s scattered brains.
In the “Letters to the Editor” section of the next day’s paper, there were multiple reports of inhuman screams coming from the direction Avi went. One of the more haunting letters claimed that once the screams had settled, he heard a voice float by in the wind, as if it were a deep sigh, saying, “Finally… Someone truly consumed my work.”
